Gary Paulsen by Lawn Boy Returns

Author:Lawn Boy Returns [Returns, Lawn Boy]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 978-0-375-89654-5
Publisher: Random House Children's Books
Published: 2010-04-09T21:00:00+00:00

10

The Juxtaposition of Financial Status and Jurisprudence

I signed a few autographs on the way out of Arnold’s driveway, then mowed a few lawns, ate lunch with Louis and his crew, and headed back to the office.

I walked through Arnold’s front door and a lady in a suit and too much red lipstick jumped up from the couch. She shrieked, “There he is, poor child!” and pulled me into a hug that nearly jammed the brass buttons on her jacket through my head.

I peeked over at Arnold for an explanation as she said, “Hi, sweetie, I’m a civil rights attorney and I heard about your terrible plight on the news. Don’t you worry about a thing from now on, because I’ve already filed a lawsuit on your behalf. I’m suing your parents for violation of child labor laws and having them served with papers immediately upon their return from this inexplicable vacation they’ve taken without you. I’m thinking of reporting them for desertion of a minor child as well,” she finished in a huff.

Arnold seemed to have shrunk with each word.

Then she did that gross thing where she licked her thumb and was about to rub some dirt off my cheek, but I leaped away from her.

And crashed into a fat guy with a ponytail who was holding a bulging briefcase.

“Who are you?”

“I’m the attorney who wants to represent you in your emancipation suit against your parents. Don’t listen to that ambulance chaser”—he gestured toward the lipstick lady—“you’re, what, twelve? Too old to be treated like a child, but plenty old enough to sue for your right to control your own money. I think the youngest plaintiff in a successful litigation of an emancipation suit was fifteen, maybe sixteen, but we have a good case.”

Arnold had started to look like he might blow away.

“You both want me to sue my parents?”

“Yes.” They spoke in unison and then glared at each other.

“The wheels are already in motion,” Lipstick Lady said. “In fact, the matter is out of your hands; it’s up to the courts to determine what’s in your best interests now.”

“Don’t listen to her,” Ponytail Guy said. “She finished at the bottom of her online law school class and doesn’t know what she’s talking about. We’ll file an injunction against her suit when we file your suit before she can file an injunction against our suit to stop our suit and injunction to stop her suit. Now, if you’ll just sign here where I’ve indicated with an X.”

“Please.” Miraculously, Arnold had regained his previous size and composure. “Leave the papers with our executive assistant and we’ll appraise the points you’ve raised at our soonest convenience. Thank you.”

He all but shoved them out the front door. He locked it and turned to me.

“Let’s sit on the porch and have some tea. We have a lot to talk about.”

I got the distinct feeling that when he said “a lot,” what he meant was “something brand-new.”

Uh-oh.

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